A rejected submission to McSweeney’s Internet Tendency

The man from TLC’s “No Scrubs” tells his side of the story

I’m the unnamed man from TLC’s 1999 hit, “No Scrubs” and I was inspired to tell my side of the story after reading the brave letter by the girl from Avril Lavinge’s “Sk8er Boi”. After being maligned for more than 20 years about alleged “scrubby” behavior on my part, I want to explain who I was and what I was trying to accomplish with my now infamous hollering. In doing so, I also want to challenge the classist lens TLC used to judge me on my inability to afford a car, a place of my own, and more expensive clothing.

“A scrub is a guy that thinks he’s fly. He’s also known as a buster.”

Name-calling aside, there’s nothing wrong with having a positive self-image.

“Always talkin’ about what he wants and just sits on his broke ass.”

Yes, I was an ambitious young man who talked often about my personal and professional goals for the future. That I didn’t always take action towards these goals is tough but fair. And I didn’t have a lot of money back in 1999 because I was trying to put myself through college.

“A scrub is a guy that can’t get no love from me, hangin’ out the passenger side of his best friend’s ride trying to holler at me.”